Month: March 2015

Filofax Week #12

From now on, I’m going to try and post my week each Sunday. So without further ado:

image

Not the most exciting or well decorated of weeks. Not much is going on in my life right now. I usually write down if I have any procedures or tests or if a specialist comes to visit.
Decorating is getting better, physically. I’m slowly regaining dexterity in my left hand which is brilliant and I decorated this page early last week so! Onwards and upwards!

In defence of Spice World: The Movie

There’s not an awful lot to do in hospital, once my dressings have been changed (and that’s not even every day), had a wash and my creams applied, it’s still usually morning time and I have the rest of the day to myself.
My mum visits, that helps pass the afternoon a little. But then she has to leave and I’m alone again with my thoughts.
As you’ve seen, I got a mass of stationery supplies and notebooks to play with. I have my beloved iPod. My mum brings me a newspaper to read (added bonus of being able to keep up with the outside world) and I have a DVD player.
I don’t watch DVDs a lot, admittedly, I’m usually too tired or in pain to concentrate properly but recently I’ve had a craving and that craving was Spice World.

Yes, the Spice Girls’ 1997 Magnum Opus, Spice World: the Movie.
I was 8 years old when this film was released, I remember going to the cinema to see it. And now 18 years later, I was watching it again.
But does it hold up? Well, yes. I think so!
It’s very self aware and very meta, the sub plot to make a Spice Girls has an exchange that made me laugh

“Can they even act?”
“Who cares!?”

The Spice Girls themselves play up to their personas and they seem to have had a lot of fun making the film. It doesn’t take itself seriously and it’s still really enjoyable. I laughed at jokes I would have missed when I was youmer and I just really enjoyed it! For 90 minutes, it took my mind off the whole hospital ordeal and it was what I needed.

Also, Geri Halliwell’s outfits were truly inspiring.

Happy Mail #2

I was in a super low mood this morning. I don’t usually cry from pain anymore but this morning was especially bad.
I thought I had got on top ofloor my pain but over the last week or so the pain seems to be getting worse. I’m told this is because I’m healing and growing new tissue and new tissue means new nerves hence pain.
Well that’s great! Doesn’t help me in the meantime, however.
But the nurses and doctors got the Pain Team to visit me on short notice and they’ve increased my pain relief. Which, I’m currently happy to report appears to be working! Fingers crossed, y’all.

Then mum swung round for her daily visit with post! Happy days!

image

Here’s part of a stationery haul from Amy Makes Things there’s so much of it!
To be fair, I divided my gains between my mother and I because she’s always well jelly of my stationery buys. We’re both stationery and planner obsessed. I have two filofaxes in total. She got two just for Mother’s Day (a personal and A5 original in Fluro Pink. They are truly things of beauty, however.) She also bought us Fauxdoris and changed the inserts to Moleskine Cahier notebooks. She’s also fashioning herself a Hobonichi, or a Fauxbonichi, as it were.

image

Here’s what I kept for myself. Sharing is caring, as the saying goes.

image

And this arrived too from Vee Accessories
Not to get political on you but I fully intend to rock up to my local polling station in this.
And please enjoy my fetching hospital nightie.

That’s it for Internet shopping hauls from me. I think. We’ll see if anything turns up. I really need to do a No Spend April.
I’ll think about it.

Happy Mail #1

Let’s stay positive and focus of positive things, I tell myself.
So today’s post arrived, mum brought it into hospital for me when she visited this afternoon.

image

First things first, I bought these charms off Tricotia to use as planner charms. They are super cute. There’s a little Korra and a little Asami. Then I saw Espurr and couldn’t stop myself. This is a theme.

image

Then my Pilot G2s arrived in fun colours because these are some amazing pens. 10/10 would recommend.

Mother flipping stationery

I remember that this blog thing started as stationery enthusiasm. So because I’m still in hospital, I’ve been filling the void in my soul with stationery goods.

image

First up, I bought a Lamy Al-Star fountain pen in copper orange with the matching ink cartridges because Cult Pens sent an email about it and I couldn’t fucking resist.
This photo is terrible because I could barely hold my phone to take the photo.

image

Then I treated myself to a few things off Little Noah’s Ark. My mum then proceeded to spot the hippo scissors in Tesco. Typical.

There’s another haul on its way but that hasn’t arrived yet.

image

Then I made the mistake of looking at the Filofax website and saw this beauty. It’s the Personal Domino Patent and it is glorious. I wasn’t going to buy it but my mother is a horrible influence.
I also accidentally ordered the pocket size but managed to get that cancelled and reorder without any issues.

image

And here it is. I also bought these piggy memo stickers because reasons of cute.
I really need to streamline my notepaper or something because it’s already gotten really, really fat.
The lighting in my hospital room is really terrible, hence terrible photos.

Hospital fun times

Golly gosh, it’s been a while, largely because I was admitted into hospital on the 31st January and I’m still here 38 days later.

That’s technically a lie, I’ve had to change hospitals since then because this current one has a specialist dermatology ward where the other does not.

So, yes, I have vssculitis, it affected my skin and now all my skin is rotting off my body. Most of it has healed rather well, mostly over my legs, which is great. Just my arms taking their sweet ass time.

But enough about the gory horrors, I want to talk about my feelings and how they come and go so quickly.
I have entire days where I just feel so sad and all I want to do is cry and cry but then the nurses tell me to stop crying and then I just feel so angry, I’m so angry at these nurses invalidating my pain and I just want to tell them where to go sometimes. But I don’t. Because that would be rude and they’re doing the best they can.

My nurse today is definitely, er, one of the sterner nurses. Which is fine, she’s no nonsense and maybe some people need that but I need a soft approach.

And then I feel angry that this has happened to me and I’m so angry at my lot in life, I miss work and being at home but instead I’m stuck in this room aside from the occasional walks to the bathroom.

And then I’m angry at the sheer amount of pointy bits, daily blood thinner injections, blood sugar tests and then there’s the biweekly blood tests. I just want to say “no! No more!” But I can’t. I am pissed that the blood test lady came yesterday despite the doctors agreeing my next test will be today. She didn’t get any blood out of me. I told her so.

And then there are times like today where mood wise I feel mostly fine and then I just burst into tears out of nowhere and nothing seems to trigger it and then it goes as quickly as it came. I don’t know. I’m probably depressed.

I want to go home. I can’t. I’m in pain all the frigging time. I can’t do the things I enjoy because I don’t have the strength or dexterity in my hands.

I’m leaking pus from all my joints no matter how well they bandage me up and it smells and it is disgusting and I’m disgusting and I’m so sad.