me

Good News!

Wow, I haven’t posted in over a month. Yikes.
But I had a very good excuse in that I had an operation on my left arm which restricted the use of my left arm even more.

But regular posting will return because after 108 days in hospital, I was finally discharged on Monday! I still have to return twice a week to have my dressings changed but other than that, I am free!

Full post with full in depth story will come later but this has been an update of sorts.

I’m just happy to be home!

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No Spend April

Despite being in hospital for the entirety of March, I still managed to spend way too much money. The internet is both a blessing and a curse.

Spending money is too easy, there’s really not a lot to do and you find yourself browsing Amazon or Etsy and then you see something and you think to yourself “I’m ill, I can treat myself”. I do this a lot.

To counteract this, I’m going to be taking part in No Spend April and now that I’ve put it out into the big bad world, I absolutely have to complete this. Game face on.

Obviously, things like bills and rent have to  be paid, the necessities are still allowed but no more pens or stationery or any other impulsive purchases a month.

I’m not expecting it to be easy, I enjoy spending money on nice things. Realistically, I’ll probably slip up a few days especially if I get out of here by the end of the month. But it’s a first attempt and if I manage to save any money, it can only be a good thing!

Wish me luck, etc.

In defence of Spice World: The Movie

There’s not an awful lot to do in hospital, once my dressings have been changed (and that’s not even every day), had a wash and my creams applied, it’s still usually morning time and I have the rest of the day to myself.
My mum visits, that helps pass the afternoon a little. But then she has to leave and I’m alone again with my thoughts.
As you’ve seen, I got a mass of stationery supplies and notebooks to play with. I have my beloved iPod. My mum brings me a newspaper to read (added bonus of being able to keep up with the outside world) and I have a DVD player.
I don’t watch DVDs a lot, admittedly, I’m usually too tired or in pain to concentrate properly but recently I’ve had a craving and that craving was Spice World.

Yes, the Spice Girls’ 1997 Magnum Opus, Spice World: the Movie.
I was 8 years old when this film was released, I remember going to the cinema to see it. And now 18 years later, I was watching it again.
But does it hold up? Well, yes. I think so!
It’s very self aware and very meta, the sub plot to make a Spice Girls has an exchange that made me laugh

“Can they even act?”
“Who cares!?”

The Spice Girls themselves play up to their personas and they seem to have had a lot of fun making the film. It doesn’t take itself seriously and it’s still really enjoyable. I laughed at jokes I would have missed when I was youmer and I just really enjoyed it! For 90 minutes, it took my mind off the whole hospital ordeal and it was what I needed.

Also, Geri Halliwell’s outfits were truly inspiring.

Happy Mail #2

I was in a super low mood this morning. I don’t usually cry from pain anymore but this morning was especially bad.
I thought I had got on top ofloor my pain but over the last week or so the pain seems to be getting worse. I’m told this is because I’m healing and growing new tissue and new tissue means new nerves hence pain.
Well that’s great! Doesn’t help me in the meantime, however.
But the nurses and doctors got the Pain Team to visit me on short notice and they’ve increased my pain relief. Which, I’m currently happy to report appears to be working! Fingers crossed, y’all.

Then mum swung round for her daily visit with post! Happy days!

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Here’s part of a stationery haul from Amy Makes Things there’s so much of it!
To be fair, I divided my gains between my mother and I because she’s always well jelly of my stationery buys. We’re both stationery and planner obsessed. I have two filofaxes in total. She got two just for Mother’s Day (a personal and A5 original in Fluro Pink. They are truly things of beauty, however.) She also bought us Fauxdoris and changed the inserts to Moleskine Cahier notebooks. She’s also fashioning herself a Hobonichi, or a Fauxbonichi, as it were.

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Here’s what I kept for myself. Sharing is caring, as the saying goes.

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And this arrived too from Vee Accessories
Not to get political on you but I fully intend to rock up to my local polling station in this.
And please enjoy my fetching hospital nightie.

That’s it for Internet shopping hauls from me. I think. We’ll see if anything turns up. I really need to do a No Spend April.
I’ll think about it.

Hospital fun times

Golly gosh, it’s been a while, largely because I was admitted into hospital on the 31st January and I’m still here 38 days later.

That’s technically a lie, I’ve had to change hospitals since then because this current one has a specialist dermatology ward where the other does not.

So, yes, I have vssculitis, it affected my skin and now all my skin is rotting off my body. Most of it has healed rather well, mostly over my legs, which is great. Just my arms taking their sweet ass time.

But enough about the gory horrors, I want to talk about my feelings and how they come and go so quickly.
I have entire days where I just feel so sad and all I want to do is cry and cry but then the nurses tell me to stop crying and then I just feel so angry, I’m so angry at these nurses invalidating my pain and I just want to tell them where to go sometimes. But I don’t. Because that would be rude and they’re doing the best they can.

My nurse today is definitely, er, one of the sterner nurses. Which is fine, she’s no nonsense and maybe some people need that but I need a soft approach.

And then I feel angry that this has happened to me and I’m so angry at my lot in life, I miss work and being at home but instead I’m stuck in this room aside from the occasional walks to the bathroom.

And then I’m angry at the sheer amount of pointy bits, daily blood thinner injections, blood sugar tests and then there’s the biweekly blood tests. I just want to say “no! No more!” But I can’t. I am pissed that the blood test lady came yesterday despite the doctors agreeing my next test will be today. She didn’t get any blood out of me. I told her so.

And then there are times like today where mood wise I feel mostly fine and then I just burst into tears out of nowhere and nothing seems to trigger it and then it goes as quickly as it came. I don’t know. I’m probably depressed.

I want to go home. I can’t. I’m in pain all the frigging time. I can’t do the things I enjoy because I don’t have the strength or dexterity in my hands.

I’m leaking pus from all my joints no matter how well they bandage me up and it smells and it is disgusting and I’m disgusting and I’m so sad.

Obligatory first post, oh no!

One of my resolutions this year was to write every day almost every day more often than I did last year, and I thought that blogging was the way to go about it. Though all of my other attempts of blogging have failed miserably. Hmm. You’re setting yourself up for a fall, Jade.

But I like to write! A lot! I’m by no means, the world’s greatest writer, but I enjoy it nonetheless. I guess, there’s a small large part of me that would love love love to have my writing published, I’m not completely delusional and I know it’s going to take a massive amount of hard work and time and effort but who knows, maybe I’ll get there one day. Partly I just want a fandom and I’ll secretly post completely canon fic onto AO3 just to mess with everyone. Ah, no one should ever give me that much power.

I should probably say some things about myself, I like to craft, I like to bake, I like pens and buying notebooks that I just can’t quite bring myself to write in. I’m not even joking, I have a draw full of notepads I haven’t used and have no idea what to use them for, it’s an obsession. My absolute favourite notebooks are definitely┬áMoleskines, maybe I’ve been sucked into the brand name, but I really like how they look and there’s just that certain off-whiteness to their paper insides I really like. Though I do have a few cheapy Moleskine knockoffs, so I can’t be a complete brand snob (though the elastic has gone on one of the cheapy ones, so there’s that).

More recently, I have bought a new Filofax so I am excited to get back into that and try to regain some control of my life. I googled how best to organise myself with the ol’ Filofax and somehow stumbled upon a whole underground society of Filofax decorating and that seems pretty exciting. So I headed out to Hobbycraft and bought all the Washi tape in the clearance tubs (read: all four rolls of the stuff) because Lord knows I didn’t see any elsewhere in store. Maybe I’ll even blog my Filofax weeks, if nothing else, at least I’ll have regular content to post.

Expect a mix batch of posts, I guess, bit of writing, my thoughts on books and films and TV, my job finding efforts, crafty things I have made, my baking attempts, things.

Here’s hoping anyhow.