Mother flipping stationery

I remember that this blog thing started as stationery enthusiasm. So because I’m still in hospital, I’ve been filling the void in my soul with stationery goods.

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First up, I bought a Lamy Al-Star fountain pen in copper orange with the matching ink cartridges because Cult Pens sent an email about it and I couldn’t fucking resist.
This photo is terrible because I could barely hold my phone to take the photo.

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Then I treated myself to a few things off Little Noah’s Ark. My mum then proceeded to spot the hippo scissors in Tesco. Typical.

There’s another haul on its way but that hasn’t arrived yet.

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Then I made the mistake of looking at the Filofax website and saw this beauty. It’s the Personal Domino Patent and it is glorious. I wasn’t going to buy it but my mother is a horrible influence.
I also accidentally ordered the pocket size but managed to get that cancelled and reorder without any issues.

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And here it is. I also bought these piggy memo stickers because reasons of cute.
I really need to streamline my notepaper or something because it’s already gotten really, really fat.
The lighting in my hospital room is really terrible, hence terrible photos.

Hospital fun times

Golly gosh, it’s been a while, largely because I was admitted into hospital on the 31st January and I’m still here 38 days later.

That’s technically a lie, I’ve had to change hospitals since then because this current one has a specialist dermatology ward where the other does not.

So, yes, I have vssculitis, it affected my skin and now all my skin is rotting off my body. Most of it has healed rather well, mostly over my legs, which is great. Just my arms taking their sweet ass time.

But enough about the gory horrors, I want to talk about my feelings and how they come and go so quickly.
I have entire days where I just feel so sad and all I want to do is cry and cry but then the nurses tell me to stop crying and then I just feel so angry, I’m so angry at these nurses invalidating my pain and I just want to tell them where to go sometimes. But I don’t. Because that would be rude and they’re doing the best they can.

My nurse today is definitely, er, one of the sterner nurses. Which is fine, she’s no nonsense and maybe some people need that but I need a soft approach.

And then I feel angry that this has happened to me and I’m so angry at my lot in life, I miss work and being at home but instead I’m stuck in this room aside from the occasional walks to the bathroom.

And then I’m angry at the sheer amount of pointy bits, daily blood thinner injections, blood sugar tests and then there’s the biweekly blood tests. I just want to say “no! No more!” But I can’t. I am pissed that the blood test lady came yesterday despite the doctors agreeing my next test will be today. She didn’t get any blood out of me. I told her so.

And then there are times like today where mood wise I feel mostly fine and then I just burst into tears out of nowhere and nothing seems to trigger it and then it goes as quickly as it came. I don’t know. I’m probably depressed.

I want to go home. I can’t. I’m in pain all the frigging time. I can’t do the things I enjoy because I don’t have the strength or dexterity in my hands.

I’m leaking pus from all my joints no matter how well they bandage me up and it smells and it is disgusting and I’m disgusting and I’m so sad.

Things to acquire

Employment for March onwards My work contract will end in February, and then I’ll be left out in the cold and be at the complete mercy of the DWP again and I cannot go back to living like that again. I was unemployed for a long time before getting this job in June, and I feel so much better about myself because of this job. In an ideal world, I’ll find another position within the same department, less ideally but still fine is a position in a completely different department. but I can’t afford to be picky.

A strong eyebrow game My eyebrows are growing back in after years of just not having any. I’m currently at a stage where they just look patchy and terrible but I have faith and coconut oil and an eyebrow pencil (although my eyebrows seem to be growing back a lot darker than I ever remember them being).

A finished first draft of my novel I managed to write 50,000 words of my novel for NaNoWriMo, it still remains unfinished and I don’t have an ending as such, but I’d like to finish this one, I have good feelings about it.

There are other things I like to acquire of course; longer nails, longer hair, more money, a rockin’ bod, a sense of purpose, the motivation to see things through to the end, self esteem, super powers and the ability to draw good.

2014, a brief look back

Despite clearly not keeping up with blogging over 2014, I did do some good things:

  • Got a job
  • Lost weight (I don’t officially weigh myself, all I have to go off is how well my clothes are fitting, and everything is suddenly too big)
  • I stopped biting my nails for four months, that’s possibly the longest I’ve managed
  • Wrote 50000 words of a novel for NaNoWriMo, I need to finish it still
  • Felt better, mentally, for the first time in a long
  • Physically, I finally got a diagnosis for whatever is wrong with me, so I have finally began treatment.
  • Went to see Welcome to Night Vale which was excellent

There’s probably other good things I’ve forgotten about as well.

Onwards and upwards.

Post Box #2

A short time ago, I won Noxyism‘s giveaway and today my goodies have arrived and it’s all terribly exciting.

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Here’s a shot of the goods, I’m particularly excited about the nail varnish, the false eyelashes and some of the eye pallets (mostly the neutral colour ones because that’s really all I wear eye makeup wise). Also pretty handy is the compact powder since my own got shattered somewhere between Dorset and Manchester last October and I’ve been coping with it ever since because funds are tight, yo.

But nothing could possibly prepare me for the sheer brilliance of one particular item that I am super excited about. Yes, guys, say hello to this teeny weeny tub of Vaseline

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On left: teeny weeny tub. On right, regular UK tin.

It’s ridiculous but I do love how small it is and it not being in a tin is a bit of a novelty to me, when I can eventually bring myself to take it out of the packaging, I’ll do a comparison. There really shouldn’t be any difference but the ingredients list is ever so slightly different, so who knows?

Because if there was one thing I needed, it was definitely more Vaseline.

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Hmmmmmmmm.

 

Post Box

sadasd

 

It’s been over a week since we all survived the horror that is Valentine’s Day. I say horror, I’m extremely single and unwilling to mingle so I’ve never really cared for it. I usually just send my BFF a card and that’s the end of that. But this year, I took part in a Valentines Swap for International Geek Girl Pen Pal Club because I just really love receiving post (nice post, that is) and it seemed like a good idea.

And these are all the cards I received this year, how lovely. The Link and Medli one up there is from my BFF (because Wind Waker is the best), but everything else is from IGGPPC. Pretty cool, huh?