Wow, I haven’t posted in over a month. Yikes.
But I had a very good excuse in that I had an operation on my left arm which restricted the use of my left arm even more.
But regular posting will return because after 108 days in hospital, I was finally discharged on Monday! I still have to return twice a week to have my dressings changed but other than that, I am free!
Full post with full in depth story will come later but this has been an update of sorts.
I’m just happy to be home!
There’s not an awful lot to do in hospital, once my dressings have been changed (and that’s not even every day), had a wash and my creams applied, it’s still usually morning time and I have the rest of the day to myself.
My mum visits, that helps pass the afternoon a little. But then she has to leave and I’m alone again with my thoughts.
As you’ve seen, I got a mass of stationery supplies and notebooks to play with. I have my beloved iPod. My mum brings me a newspaper to read (added bonus of being able to keep up with the outside world) and I have a DVD player.
I don’t watch DVDs a lot, admittedly, I’m usually too tired or in pain to concentrate properly but recently I’ve had a craving and that craving was Spice World.
Yes, the Spice Girls’ 1997 Magnum Opus, Spice World: the Movie.
I was 8 years old when this film was released, I remember going to the cinema to see it. And now 18 years later, I was watching it again.
But does it hold up? Well, yes. I think so!
It’s very self aware and very meta, the sub plot to make a Spice Girls has an exchange that made me laugh
“Can they even act?”
“Who cares!?”
The Spice Girls themselves play up to their personas and they seem to have had a lot of fun making the film. It doesn’t take itself seriously and it’s still really enjoyable. I laughed at jokes I would have missed when I was youmer and I just really enjoyed it! For 90 minutes, it took my mind off the whole hospital ordeal and it was what I needed.
Also, Geri Halliwell’s outfits were truly inspiring.
I was in a super low mood this morning. I don’t usually cry from pain anymore but this morning was especially bad.
I thought I had got on top ofloor my pain but over the last week or so the pain seems to be getting worse. I’m told this is because I’m healing and growing new tissue and new tissue means new nerves hence pain.
Well that’s great! Doesn’t help me in the meantime, however.
But the nurses and doctors got the Pain Team to visit me on short notice and they’ve increased my pain relief. Which, I’m currently happy to report appears to be working! Fingers crossed, y’all.
Then mum swung round for her daily visit with post! Happy days!
Here’s part of a stationery haul from Amy Makes Things there’s so much of it!
To be fair, I divided my gains between my mother and I because she’s always well jelly of my stationery buys. We’re both stationery and planner obsessed. I have two filofaxes in total. She got two just for Mother’s Day (a personal and A5 original in Fluro Pink. They are truly things of beauty, however.) She also bought us Fauxdoris and changed the inserts to Moleskine Cahier notebooks. She’s also fashioning herself a Hobonichi, or a Fauxbonichi, as it were.
Here’s what I kept for myself. Sharing is caring, as the saying goes.
And this arrived too from Vee Accessories
Not to get political on you but I fully intend to rock up to my local polling station in this.
And please enjoy my fetching hospital nightie.
That’s it for Internet shopping hauls from me. I think. We’ll see if anything turns up. I really need to do a No Spend April.
I’ll think about it.
Golly gosh, it’s been a while, largely because I was admitted into hospital on the 31st January and I’m still here 38 days later.
That’s technically a lie, I’ve had to change hospitals since then because this current one has a specialist dermatology ward where the other does not.
So, yes, I have vssculitis, it affected my skin and now all my skin is rotting off my body. Most of it has healed rather well, mostly over my legs, which is great. Just my arms taking their sweet ass time.
But enough about the gory horrors, I want to talk about my feelings and how they come and go so quickly.
I have entire days where I just feel so sad and all I want to do is cry and cry but then the nurses tell me to stop crying and then I just feel so angry, I’m so angry at these nurses invalidating my pain and I just want to tell them where to go sometimes. But I don’t. Because that would be rude and they’re doing the best they can.
My nurse today is definitely, er, one of the sterner nurses. Which is fine, she’s no nonsense and maybe some people need that but I need a soft approach.
And then I feel angry that this has happened to me and I’m so angry at my lot in life, I miss work and being at home but instead I’m stuck in this room aside from the occasional walks to the bathroom.
And then I’m angry at the sheer amount of pointy bits, daily blood thinner injections, blood sugar tests and then there’s the biweekly blood tests. I just want to say “no! No more!” But I can’t. I am pissed that the blood test lady came yesterday despite the doctors agreeing my next test will be today. She didn’t get any blood out of me. I told her so.
And then there are times like today where mood wise I feel mostly fine and then I just burst into tears out of nowhere and nothing seems to trigger it and then it goes as quickly as it came. I don’t know. I’m probably depressed.
I want to go home. I can’t. I’m in pain all the frigging time. I can’t do the things I enjoy because I don’t have the strength or dexterity in my hands.
I’m leaking pus from all my joints no matter how well they bandage me up and it smells and it is disgusting and I’m disgusting and I’m so sad.
Needle Paper Thread 